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I’ve always dreamed of being a hero. I’ve tried everything to become super. I let a spider bite me … no spider powers, just lots of itching. I tried standing too close to the microwave oven hoping the radiation would change me. Nothing. And I got in trouble for making so many bags of popcorn! But I took it all to school and had a popcorn party. I was a hero that day. So I guess it kinda worked? I love being a hero. I love helping people. I love making them happy. And I hate bad guys. I hate creeps who hurt people. There’s this kid at school … he’s always hurting everyone. I am sick of him hurting us. I just need those super powers. I need something that will make him stop! Maybe if I eat more of the school lunches? They look radioactive. If I get enough green hotdogs and brown sauce in me, something is bound to happen! And I need a catch phrase, like” “Gonna smoosh me a baddie!” And a cool costume! Actually, last time I was in the bathroom, I saw the perfect superhero name. “Protecto!” Instead of a telephone booth like Superman, I could use a bathroom stall and those Protecto seat covers could be a cape- and I could make a toilet paper mask! Nothing scares bad guys more than bathroom stuff. (Thinks.) Or maybe it will really make them want to give me a swirly? I better rethink this…