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The first question an ‘alien’ is asked on entering the ‘Perfidious Albion’ is: “How long are you going to stay?” and it means, “When are you going to leave?” The English are great lovers of themselves, and everything belonging to them. They think that there are no other men than themselves and whenever they see a handsome foreigner, they say that ‘He looks like an Englishman’ What about their famous sense of humour? Who doesn’t remember Lord Major’s famous blunder when, starting his speech said, “When Europe joined England…” About their cooking they can be deliberately generous admitting that, ‘Hell is the place where the cooks are English.’ And their language? Oscar Wilde said that ‘The English and the Americans have everything in common except the language.’ Besides, it’s useless to ask them to speak slowly. They just can’t or don’t want to. Today most English are convinced that the cliffs of Dover are so white because they are made with the bones of the teachers of English who come to England from all over the world, for the first time, to practise their English and when they realize that they can’t understand a single word and the English don’t understand them, the poor teachers get so desperate that they kill themselves by jumping down the cliffs. The English are also famous in Europe for their lack of warmth. They accost themselves without that floods of compliments that usually pours out of the mouth of the French or the Italians. Silence is usually regarded as the most embarrassing thing in the world; it causes a lot of sweat to the host and the hostess all over Europe. It is only in England that people know how to be silent. They don’t look at all embarrassed sitting in a circle and saying nothing to each other for hours. No one will blame you for silence. When you have not opened your mouth for three years, they will think, ‘This Italian is a nice quiet chap.’