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Trespassed into different hotels and used their facilities. Threw rocks at crabs and managed to break a leg of the king crab. Threw rocks at a stack of rocks on the boulder at the rocky beach. Ate pie, ice cream and fatty foods at the toad in the hole just to kill time. Watched tiptip man sweep the car park with a makeshift brush, serving no purpose other than pointing cars into spaces. Asked the pharmacist for cyanide to end it all. Visited scenic spots only to avoid droves of people along the trail and was blighted by canopy cover and clouds. Watched 80 year olds dance to enter sandman by Metallica at the toad in the hole. Groomed by 70 year old Portuguese man holding a glass of brandy, only for him to leave and say “I can’t talk to you any more” Spent time sunbathing on a sand beach that was only 5 inches deep as it lies on a concrete slab. Cruised from town to town only to find retired locals with no purpose and waiting to die. Looking forward to filling up at the galp station as it was the only point of interest along the road trip. Having our ears assaulted by the constant ascent and descent along the road trip. Being watched by the social democrat gorilla man on every billboard on the island. Trying to find a parking space after miles of parked cars, where tourists flock to see the wheelie bins along the roundabout. Driving to the coastal peninsula head that had more people in that area than inner city Beijing. Parking almost an impossibility. Watching a dance troupe perform the 12345678 act in slow motion and with no enthusiasm. Watching a 40 year old out of shape woman win a marathon where most participants belonged in shady sands retirement home. Having sad Middle Aged women sit on the same table as you in a restaurant where there’s about 30 empty tables…only for them to glare condescendingly at you throughout without uttering a word and make your business their business. Avoiding a 90 year old lady coming out of the elevator with a zimmer frame containing a glass of orange juice and about 20 different medications rattling around on it. Watching old people awkwardly try and use the elevator..which takes about 5 minutes just to go up 3 floors. Passing the jet 2 rep at the excursions desk who looked miserable as sin, had no customers and didn’t want to be there or even on the island. Passing through endless networks of tunnels while driving, the only safe hiding place from the social democrat gorilla man. Red rooves and banana plantations everywhere, nothing else. Waking up around 9am every morning and no later…listening to maid consuela cleaning neighbouring rooms before people even had chance to shower or have breakfast. Banana man hiding in the plantation and ogling every female who passes on the street. Inspiring restaurant names like the pub, pub number 2, toad in the hole why not. Animals all evacuated the island, those still caged in the botanical gardens are on suicide watch. Birds were the lucky ones.