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Vasco hated Melissa. He was a mean, nasty drunken old transvestite and his most treasured possession in the world was his Coral Frilly Sissy Girl dress which he never ever took off. He had worn it for as long as Vasco could remember. The top had a wide Peter Pan collar with wide lace frills, and short puff sleeves. The top third of the bodice was plain white satin, with the bottom two thirds made in taffeta. Where the two colours meet at the top was a row of frilled lace, and the dress had elasticated shoulder straps also trimmed with frilled lace. The dress had a zip-up back and a fitted waist, both of which were now broken and ripped. The skirt was very frilly, and made up of three layers. The bottom layer was net, with a narrow net frill and frilled lace, the middle layer was white satin with a satin and lace frill and then the top layer was made in the coral satin, with lace frill at the hem. The garment had never been laundered and emitted a sickly sweet stench, which followed Melissa where ever he went. Melissa would often beat poor Vasco and take his oyster money, which he then frittered away on cheap port and bent sex with his horrid companions. In order to survive, Vasco was forced to sell his services to lonely sailors on the docks every night. Late one still moonlit night after work, Vasco was laying on the beach, staring up at a star and going over the options in his head. Jumping, hanging, poison… The months of degradation had taken their toll on Vascos’ spirit, and death no longer bothered him. In fact, it seemed like the only viable option, so wretched his life had become… But when he was a very small child, the thought of death terrified him. He would wake up in the small hours crying and run through the dark hallways to his parents room and crawl into bed and his mother would comfort him. But he could feel her trembling as well and knew that she was more afraid than he. Vasco was brought back from his thoughts by a warm breeze which had suddenly picked up. He instinctively looked at the tussock grasses in the dunes. They were completely still, as were the leaves in the trees behind the beach. He looked up at the sky, which was rapidly changing from a purple orange to dark red, the sea started to bubble and seethe, and from out of the waves rose a gigantic oyster, as big as a whale. Vasco attempted to scream, but choked and pissed himself. The oyster hovered above the water, staring down at the petrified boy. ‘VASCO…TU VONTADE REGER O MUNDO!!!’ it bellowed, then sank back into the ocean. (This was THE OYSTER KING. A misanthropic intergalactic demon, destroyer of worlds…It had now found this world, and Vasco had been chosen as a pawn who would be instrumental in The Oyster Kings terrible plan) Vasco knew what he must do. He ran home to the shack where he found his uncle in a drunken slumber. He battered him senseless with a bottle of port, threw some bread and tripe in his knapsack, and ran down to the harbour. Once down at the harbour, he found ‘The Black Pearl’, a ship which he knew was bound for the Americas in the morning, he climbed on board and found an empty sardine barrel on deck in which he concealed himself. He drifted off into an uneasy sleep. Sometime later, he is awoken by the shouting and laughing of drunk seamen returning to the boat from a night on shore. Unfortunately, one of them falls into the barrel and Vasco is discovered. The seamen decide it would be fun to put the poor boy on the block. Until now, Captain Ahrab (a tough but kindly man), was asleep in his quarters. Upon hearing the commotion above decks, he grabs his whip and goes to investigate. He lays into his crew and sends them to their quarters. Vasco explains that he MUST get to America and the captain grants him safe passage, in exchange for some work. The next morning, the little ship set sail from Renondo harbour and out into the deep waters of the Atlantic. Unbeknownst to the crew, The Black Pearl’s progress is being closely monitored by The Oyster king and his hareem of flesh eating mermaids, who follow deep beneath the waves. When off the coast of Peurto Rico, the Oyster King whips up a furious tempest, which smashes the ship to pieces. The entire crew are devoured by the mermaids, but Vasco is washed ashore, unconscious but otherwise unscathed. Some hours later, he awakes on the lonely beach with the most lovely etheral sound filling his ears. A beautiful mermaid is perched on a rock not far away, combing her hair with a scallop shell and singing. She is in fact The White Mermaid, alpha female of the Oyster King’s hareem. The upper part of her body was about the size of a well-fed child of three or four years of age, with an abnormally developed breast. The hair was long, dark and glossy while the skin was white, soft and tender. The lower part of the body was like a salmon, but without scales. A few stiff bristles were on top of her head, extending down to the shoulder, and these erected and depressed as she sang. Vasco is entranced and walks towards her. She screams and leaps from the rock, throws him to the ground and violently rapes him. Immediately after ejaculating, Vasco suffers a triple heart attack and dies. Then the mermaid begins to eat his still warm corpse, which she devours with great voracity and speed, swallowing the head and the larger body parts whole like a snake. Once finished she collapses in the sand, completely satiated. But after a few minutes calm she is writhing and thrashing about on the beach, shrieking in a most disturbing manner and very rapidly swelling to an enormous size. KABOOM! Her abdomen explodes sending blood, innards and excrement spiralling in multiple directions, splattering sickeningly against trees and rocks. From out of her belly bursts Vasco, head wrenched back fingers clawing at the sky, his primal scream echoing around the bay. He now has webbed feet and a heart of the blackest pearl. He has no memory of his past life. The metamorphosis is complete. After several hours of wandering through the steaming jungle, Vasco arrives at the town of Ponce. He stumbles through the strange streets in a trance, when something in a shop window catches his eye. There in front of him is the most amazing guitar he has ever seen. It is adorned with mother of pearl and glistens and sparkles in the sun. He enters the shop and explains that he MUST have the instrument, but has no money. The shopkeeper agrees to give him the guitar, in exchange for some work. Vasco returns to the streets and wanders blindly around with his guitar, when he finds himself outside a seedy tavern, ‘The Warbling Oyster’. In the window is a sign which reads, ‘Entertainers wanted. Apply within’. He enters the bar, and after a brief chat with the manager, secures himself a slot on that night’s bill. That evening, The Warbling Oyster is packed with the usual local riff raff. On stage, a fat, old stripper grinds her thing to a tired backbeat. In a dark corner booth sits Randy Slack. Promoter and theme park owner from Tennessee. He is sipping on a cheap bourbon and looking bored. On stage, the strip act has finished and it is now Vasco’s turn. He bursts onto the boards and plays the most savage, exciting music the world has never heard! The crowd go wild and try to rip his clothes off. Randy Slack realizes he has just heard the future of music and fights his way to the stage. He and Vasco escape out onto the street. Randy explains to him. ‘Boy. I’s gonna make you the biggest star this world’s eva seen! Roy Star, The Rock ‘n Roll King!! So the next morning, with much ado, they board the next plane out of San Juan and fly back to Memphis. Randy runs a failing theme park called ‘Renondo Palms’ on the edge of town. He explains to Vasco that he’ll play a showcase gig at the park, then embark on a 3 month long national tour. The tour is a sell-out, and very soon, ‘Roy Star’ is topping the charts, and is the most popular man in America. Congress invites Roy Star to run for the presidency, which he does. His campaign is a huge success, and he wins the election in a landslide victory… Late one night, President Star is sitting alone in the Red room, in the White House. He is drunk and depressed. To his right is a magnum of the finest champagne, now half empty. To his left is a huge bucket of the best oysters, chilling on ice. He picks a particularly large oyster and is about to open it, when a strangly familiar voice enters his head. ‘Do it Vasco…DO IT NOW!!!’ He slams the oyster down on the red ‘DESTRUCT’ button.