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I didn’t set out to buy a Fart Machine that day… I didn’t even know such a thing existed. My goal was to buy some classic pranks and practical jokes for my kids, you know, those old school practical jokes?… Fake vomit, fake dog poop, non lather soap, cigarette bangers, snappy chewing gum etc etc. I used to have SO much fun with these when I was a kid. So I meet up with my friend, Jonny — and we strolled around Brighton town, checking out different shops where we thought we might find classic pranks and practical jokes — but to no avail. So we eventuated at ‘The Gadget Shop’ in Churchill Square — and I found myself standing in front of a stand with a sign on it which read… ‘Remote Control Fart Machine’ ‘8 Different Fart Sounds’ ‘Operating Distance Up To 50 Yards’ It suddenly occurred to me that I had found the absolute ultimate practical joke. I called Jonny over and — him seeing the potential, concurred that we should buy it, which we did. We then sat outside and discussed where and how we should unleash it on the public… At the time, ‘The Incredibles’ movie was just out and there was a showing that afternoon at the main cinema house in Brighton… THAT WOULD BE OUR TARGET. So we got to the cinema, bought our tickets — and then it dawned on me that ‘Operation Fart Machine’ required somewhat more thought — some logistical planning… As in — England has more CCTV cameras per population, per square mile, than ANY other country in the world! So just walking into a cinema and placing a black box under a seat would look VERY dodgy!… But that’s EXACTLY what needed doing…. BUT HOW?? I came up with a plan… As we had got there early — and the cinema was empty. I went in first and sat on a seat in the middle of the room… I got the fart machine out of my inside pocket, then pretended to drop something… As I bent down to pick the ‘something’ up — I placed the fart machine under the seat…A few seconds later, Jonny came into the cinema and sat up in the back row. He ‘recognizes’ me, calls out, I say, ‘Hey man, I’ll come sit with you!’ — and make my way to the back row… THE STAGE IS SET. So the house is packed — And I’m just waiting for the right moment. And the right moment comes… There’s a point in the movie where Mr Incredible goes into his study to read a letter… As he opens the envelope it is silent (on the movie and in the cinema) I press the button… A loud PRAAaaarrrRRP! rings out around the room. The whole crowd cracks up en masse — the two guys sitting over the fart machine sink down in their chairs, wondering what the hell just happened… Jonny turns to me — his face bursting with laughter. A Moment I’ll never Forget — Comedy genius. After the movie and everyone had left, I just wandered down to where the fart machine was and pretended to look under the seat for ‘something’ I’d dropped there earlier, picked it up and walked out And THIS gag was GOOD — but not THE BEST we did. A week or so later, Jonny rang me — very excited, saying he had an idea for the ULTIMATE fart machine prank… Intrigued — I asked ‘What is it??’ ‘I’ll come round’ he said. ‘You’ll LOVE it!’ So 10 minutes later, he hands me a laminated A4 sign which read – PULL MY FINGER ‘Ooookay’… I said. ‘Nice sign dude — but what do you propose we do with it?’ Jonny’s plan was as follows… Outside the Brighton Dome Theatre is a life size bronze statue of a famous vaudeville entertainer named Max Miller… The statue is standing on a pedastal with it’s right arm extended on an angle from the elbow and pointing with the forefinger. His plan was to stick the sign on the pedestal under his name and place the fart machine on or near the statue…. ‘Max Miller Pull My Finger’ Genius! As it turned out, the fart machine sat nicely round the back of his head in the brim of his hat! Anyway, you get the picture… We sat on a wall in the park about 30 ft away and spent an enjoyable afternoon watching people’s reactions. To be honest, most passersby didn’t see the sign (or pretended not to see it), but there were some takers — as in, some people DID cautiously approach the statue and actually PULL THE FINGER — at which Max would relieve himself — the people would piss themselves laughing and run off. Soon, along came from an elderly gentleman and stopped RIGHT in front of the statue. The sign had caught his eye... Max relieved himself, at which the gentleman jerked upright bellowing ‘What the fucking hell?!’… whacking the bushes with his cane.