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I have this pit in my stomach and I can’t work it out. I’ve been tense all day. I thought it was just the amount of coffee I consumed this morning, but I'm definitely nervous about something. I don’t wanna be all cooped up in the house so I’m sitting on a wooden stool in my driveway. It’s snowing but I don’t mind the cold weather. Winter’s actually my favorite season. Anyways, back to why I’m nervous. I think it’s just “people”-the fact that I have to talk to them. It’s weird because I really like “people”, but it’s hard to act like a normal person when I get into a conversation with “people”. Sometimes I’m talking to “people” and I start thinking about how my lips are moving as I say the words. So I start laughing but then I see the look of confusion on their face and I feel like a doof. Or I’m walking normally all day, then I see “people” and I forget where to place my feet in my stride. Saying “Be Cool” in my head has become as involuntary as breathing. Just when I think I can handle talking to “people”, my heart starts beating like the Energizer Bunny and I get this sinking feeling in my stomach. It’s almost impossible not to smile in front of “people”. I have to cover my mouth with my hands or bite my lip. I can’t even calm my nerves with music, which is basically my lifeline so that’s kinda scary. I didn’t used to be this nervous around “people”. I was kinda in my own world, just thinking about normal things like what I’m gonna eat for dinner or what I’m gonna wear to work. I don’t know exactly when I started being nervous around “people”. Maybe it was when I saw how kind they were. I mean I never thought they were unkind I just figured they had their world and I had mine. Now I wake up and I think “Wow, I’m gonna see ‘people’ today”. So I get up, screw my head on straight, and throw myself into the day. It’s become kinda stressful. In the words of Queen B “You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare”. When music can’t drown out those heavy feelings, I have no choice but to dance it out. Shout out to my fellow Grey’s Anatomy fans. And to my Whitney Houston fans, she said it best, “Oh, I wanna dance with somebody”. I will crump and moonwalk until I have crumped all that I can crump and moonwalked all that I can moonwalk. If that still doesn’t work I turn to boxing. I run out to my garage and start wrapping my hands up. Then I slide my gloves on each fist, pounding them together to get a tighter grip. I go as long as I need to, whether it's 15 minutes or 2 hours running into half past midnight. Once I've worn myself out, I rest my hands on the punching bag and clean up for the night. It’s a sickening feeling you know…….thinking of “people”. I used to know other “people” and it was amazing. But it didn’t end well. It hurt me pretty bad. That sounds cliche but it’s true. It’s like my heart was this well oiled machine running smoothly and functioning how hearts should. Then a couple wrenches got thrown in the gears and it hasn’t worked right since. When I see “people”, my broken machine heart starts whirring up again and I gotta cool myself down so the engine doesn’t overheat. My cheeks get all red and I gotta take a couple deep breaths. If this hurts so bad, why do I look forward to seeing “people”? Oh yeah, and “people” has a person. (*Loud groaning noise*). So I guess that’s why I feel anxious today-because of “people”.