Read Aloud the Text Content

This audio was created by Woord's Text to Speech service by content creators from all around the world.

Text Content or SSML code:

You have probably never heard of these names before, and neither did I until a day ago. In fact, this dude is so unknown that if you search his name on google, you will find 453 times less results than Augustus, the first emperor. But who is this dude? and why should we care? Well, I would argue that he was more interesting than any other emperor. From praising a Syrian god, to being married 7 times, embark on this journey with me to discover Rome’s weirdest emperor. Rome’s decline began when this absolute genius, philosopher, stoic thinker of an emperor that went by the name Marcus Aurelius had the single dumbest idea of his existence. He decided that rather than deciding his successor, like the last 4 emperors did, and which led to the best period of Rome’s history, he declared Commodus, his son, as his successor. Let’s just say that he wasn’t the best of people to rule an empire of 1.700.000 fucking square miles. As Wikipedia says, “His reign is commonly thought of as marking the end of a golden period of peace in the history of the Roman Empire, known as the Pax Romana.” This fool basically accomplished nothing, and was killed, but that’s a story for another day. So, after a five year civil war, Septimius Severius became emperor. He was ok, but his descendents were kinda meh. One of them was the motherfucker we were talking about, Elagabalus, who was emperor for three years, making his one of the shortest reigns. Actually, that was just the nickname that people gave him because he was a full on fucking priest to some random syrian god of the sun, Elagabal. You will probably forget these names in 10 minutes, and I don’t blame you.So this dude was exiled by the emperor at 14, but he then defeated him, then he sent a letter to the Senate which basically said: “Dearest Senate members, I am now emperor. Also I’m coming to Rome. Bye.” So dude just came to the throne at 15, and immediately started demanding that the entirety of the empire would start to praise Elagabal. He replaced Jupiter, the most important roman god, with whom he called: Sol Invictus, which was just this dude with another name. The romans were fucking pissed. He then married this chick, with the intention of having children as soon as possible. He divorced her not long after because of a “physical imperfection”, then he married a priestess that was supposed to stay virgin her whole life, which made the people hate him even more. Well guess what, he wasn’t done. He prostituted himself and wore makeup, according to historians, but guess what? He was also trans, and he allegedly offered half of the Roman empire to any medic who could replace his genitals with female ones. But he still wasn’t done checking every box on the list of illegal things in Rome. He proceeded to, very nonchalantly, marry 3 MORE WIVES AND 2 HUSBANDS. IN LESS THAN 3 YEARS. At this point they just wanted him killed, and so they did. They cut his and his mother’s head, dragged their bodies all over Rome, and threw his mother in the Tiber river. Damn, they took that personally. So he died at 18, he was killed, and literally nobody missed him. In fact, they didn’t miss him so much that they didn’t want future people to remember him. They tried to cancel every proof of his existence like they did to other controversial emperors in the past. This was called damnatio memoriae. Guess Twitter users existed in 222. We know that he existed just because of 2 random ass historians who documented that period of time. This is also how we know about all of his marriages. Of course there’s nothing wrong with wearing make up or being LGBT, but Romans saw this motherfucker as a fusion between Henry the 8th and a bisexual pornstar. His successor was Alexander Severus, and he was a mid emperor, but of course not as bad as Elagabalus. And this was the tale of the most controversial, weirdest, arguably worst, teenage, bisexual, trans, prostitute Roman emperor. Make sure to subscribe if you enjoyed the video.