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Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others, focusing the attention on the speaker. That’s why we consider active listening so important in our volunteer training. In order to understand more on active listening, we must understand the types of active listening. However, this does not define people in general and everyone has their own way to use these skills. So, let’s go ahead to learn more about active listening types now! There are attentive and reflective type of listening skills which typically goes hand in hand. Attentive listening includes holding eye contact, maintaining good posture, nodding, mirroring speaker’s body language to show interest and allowing the speaker to complete entire thoughts. This shows our attention through our body language. Unfortunately, it’s not possible to do attentive listening through online text chat especially holding eye contact, maintain good posture, nodding and mirroring speaker’s body language to show interest but we can pay attention and allow speakers to complete entire thoughts. Reflective listening on the other hand involves the listener to repeat and paraphrase what the speaker has said to show your understanding of what they are telling you. That’s the most important part in online emotional support. What we’re focusing on is emotional support. Emotional support is provided when people are struggling with something and want to vent or share with someone who can understand and accept their situation and feelings. In such cases, active listening can provide them a non-judgmental space in which they are allowed to speak honestly. No matter what type of listening you do, active listening is to listen attentively and without being distracted. We're here to provide a space for them. Keep in mind that not everyone with a problem needs you to solve it. Sometimes all a person needs is to feel heard. Listening without judging can be more effective than injecting your opinions or trying to solve a problem that doesn’t have an easy answer. In this session, we will talk about the skills set used in active listening. I believe everyone has already used these skills in one way or another. Let’s explore this part together! Active listening can be divided into several parts or phases. It doesn’t need to be in order but typically the process is like this: reflecting the person’s situation, validating their emotions, ask some open-ended questions which are door opener questions for them to elaborate or think more. Also in case we’re unsure if we understand them correctly, we can ask clarifying questions. What exactly is reflection? Reflection is to relay what was said back to the user to show that you understand their situation and how they feel about it in your own words.  It allows the user to ‘hear’ their own thoughts, allows them to fully focus on how they are feeling and demonstrates that as listeners, we are trying to perceive the world as they see it and that we are doing our best to understand their feelings and experiences.  Here’s an example of the use of reflective listening. Alex has worked for almost 10 years in his company however the new guy, Billy, got the promotion Alex was fighting for. The listener summarized his words and his feelings on the matter. Alex said “It’s so unfair. I’ve been working there longer and have tried so hard to gain that promotion and they have only been there for a few months and got it.” The listener responded, “That sounds very frustrating. You stay in this company longer than them and try hard to get the promotion opportunity, but you don’t get it. ” While reflecting, it can also be helpful to use the same words and terms as the user does. This in itself shows acceptance rather than judgment. You can also try to identify any strengths the user shows. This helps to deepen understanding of feelings and content and allows them to see that you are trying to understand their messages and perceptions by pointing out their feelings and summarize what causes them to have the feelings in a few sentences. This is a “don’t” example. The listener said “Maybe your boss is biased or the colleague is more skilled than you.” The listener makes assumptions to situation which may be hurting the user and/or completely wrong. They assume his boss is biased. Also, saying “the colleague is more skilled than you” would judge and offend the user. Next up is validation! So how does validation works? After reflecting the user’s words, we express that what the user has shared is normal, acceptable and understandable. Validating on how the user feels is important because it helps them to share, feel heard, acknowledged, and accepted. By doing that we empathize with their situations and show our acceptance and compassion. However, it’s important to remember that just because you are validating and accepting how they feel, it doesn’t mean you necessarily approve, it means that you understand their experiences are theirs and that they are real. By using validation, you can show your understanding of their feelings and emotions and they would feel like “You get me”. Here’s an example of the use of validation. David said “I feel like everything is out of my control. I spent so much time studying for the final exam but I failed it. I feel very sad now.” The listener responded “It's understandable that you'd feel sad when you put so much effort into studying for the final exam but still didn't do well.” Validation often goes hand in hand with reflection. Often the most powerful piece of listening is helping someone feel heard and accepted and knowing that their emotions are accepted. This can create a sense of safety and allow the user to further explore their feelings. Here is a “don’t” example. The listener said “Even though you fail your exam, it doesn’t mean your worth stops here. Don’t lose hope!” The listener wants to move David out of this situation and advises them not to lose hope. Although it’s well meant, David wants someone to listen to his thoughts and feelings and will not feel understood if the listener jumps to teaching and advice like this. Open-ended questions invite the user to explain some aspects of what they said to make sure you are understanding it. This type of questioning helps the user to elaborate on their responses and think deeper about the situation and their feelings surrounding that experience. By using these questions, it supports the flow of the conversation and allows it to feel more natural. This also gives the user an opportunity to elaborate and clarify what was said and give you an opportunity to identify anything that is unclear and check the accuracy of your understanding. Using “How” and “What” to ask questions is recommended because it allows them to reflect more about themselves. Sometimes, using “why” may not be the best option especially related to their feelings and thoughts. If you asked “Why do you feel sad?”, probably they may just answer “I’m just feeling this way now” or even feel judged about their emotions by questioning it. Instead, we can try to ask “What makes you feel sad?”. Before asking any questions, it’s important to ask yourself “Why do I ask this question? What is my propose of asking this question?” Here’s an example of the use of open-ended questions. Sally said “Things are just so hectic at the moment. There’s so much pressure on me and I feel like I’m about to crack. I have so much to do at work, then I’m trying to study as well at nights, plus there’s all chores and my boyfriends does nothing to help me” The listener responded “It seems very overwhelming. It's very uneasy for you to go through all this and have to complete many difficult tasks at the same time. What you're going through at work, studying and with your boyfriend?” There are many ways to do open ended questions. Usually it would combine validation and/or reflection. You can use your insight to find out more about how the user feels and ask questions about what they have told you to build up a picture of their situation and how they are feeling. Keep in mind that in active listening, our goal isn’t to solve their problems, but rather to listen and help them to work through their struggles and empower them to find solutions that are right for their situation. Here is a “Don’t” example. The listener said “dealing with work, studying and chores is very uneasy. Why don’t you talk with him about your difficulties?” Although this is an open-ended question, the listener may make an incorrect assumption, as there is too little understanding and a bit too much jumping to problem solving. Sally may not feel understood or even feel judged from this response There are 2 tips on asking questions. Before asking any questions, it’s important to ask yourself “Why do I ask this question? What is my propose of asking this question?” Adding something like “would you like to tell me more…” or “Do you feel comfortable to tell me more…” before asking your question can let people know that they have a choice to answer your question or not when you ask some deeper or relatively sensitive questions so that they will not feel forced to answer. Sometimes, when you’re unsure about what they mean you can try to clarify it by asking a question or doing a summarization to make sure your understanding is correct. It’s totally fine if you don’t understand their meaning from their first expression. Just ask them directly or summarize your understanding. Users will correct you if you have any misunderstanding.