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I have confused ideas. Can we change the subject? I think I called Joe, that we had a nice chat. It was about 7.00 pm and he informed me that he had broken the engagement with a woman I do not name and he disliked me. He has always been able to make me laugh. Like the father I think he was the only man who really loved me. Did you love him? I have not loved anyone. I have had some good intercourse, however I think I am not very clear in desire. I also tried with women. Who are you talking about? For example with Joan Crawford: we did it in her bedroom. I think she is very lesbian to the core. She is pretty crazy. I am not a lesbian. Joan wanted to do it again. I told her in the face that I did not like doing it with a woman. I struggled a lot to have an orgasm. I had to work on it with the help of psychoanalysts and when I did it the first time I cried. I was fine with Joe Di Maggio. Your handwriting demonstrates this difficulty of yours, this very elaborate and complex mental work in the sexual field. At sixteen, in 1942, you married Jim Daugherty. Why did you love him? "He was one of the few guys I was not sexually repulsed to". Repulsion: it's a heavy word. I was about ten when I was raped. I divorced him in 1946. But you were fine with Joe. Would you have married him again? Now that you make me think about it, he had proposed it to me: we were supposed to get married on 8 August 1962. But what day is today? Haven't I forgotten an appointment with him? “I'm invariably late for appointments, sometimes up to two hours. When I have to be somewhere for dinner at eight, I stay in the bathtub for an hour or more. It's eight o'clock and I'm still in the tub. I get lost in my thoughts and I feel far from everything. Sometimes I know the real reason for what I do. In the tub there is not Marilyn Monroe, but Norma Jean. " But I wouldn't have forgotten my wedding day! No: To Allan Snyder, your makeup artist, you confided that you had "never looked better" and that you bought the dress for your second wedding with Joe. But you died three days before that date. Joe organized the funeral, along with Inez Melson, paid the expenses. He arranged a strictly private ceremony for you, precisely on August 8, the day on which you had scheduled your second wedding. She watched over you until you were buried in Westwood Cemeter. At the funeral, before the coffin was buried, he leaned over your face and shouted "I love you", giving you one last kiss. You have never missed her red roses for twenty years. I don't think he ever believed in your suicide. At the cemetery. Dead, yes. Buried. You already said that, but I don't remember. I live at 12,305 Fifth Helena Drive, Brentwood, California. There is a beautiful blue swimming pool with an odd shape, terracotta tiles, some green space and outside it is all white, as well as some walls inside the house. I like white. I have no pain, only sleep.