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Press Conference ; A Revenge over Satan Short Story by Charles Y.N. Newton Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen of the media . I’m very much grateful for your time.  Many of you here today, have heard about me. But I know not every one of you knows about my wealth, or what I was worth. Your Sunday school teacher, if you had any, would have told you something about me in the Bible, because I was very popular in my day. If you’re still not getting who I am, then I would say that my name is very much like that gentleman who made the Adam and Eve phone. I’m sorry for my choice of words, but I’m trying really hard to sound a little more modern like yourselves, so pardon my language. As I was saying, my name looks similar in spelling to the Adam and Eve gentleman, a very likable and hard working man, just that, his name had the letter "s" at the end. While you called him JOBS, like - what job do you do?- , mine, sounds more like -“JOEB”. Aha! Now you get it? Right,?  My name is Joeb. The man tried by undeserved misfortunes in the King James Bible. Yeah, that’s me. I got to New York some few days ago, after I had pleaded with God to allow me to come and see things for myself. He wouldn’t have allowed it, but that’s a long story. Anyway, in heaven where I live now, the newcomers, you know what I mean , when they arrive, they would not allow our ears to rest in peace. Telling us the latest gossips in town…your new things or what do you call them, gadgets, and the wealth of your men and women. And could you believe that guy , I mean the devil, was there again telling the Almighty, I cannot be described as a wealthy man in this city, New York? In fact, this prompted a heated debate among the hosts of heaven just like what happens in your parliament. I’m therefore here to present my case, to bring finality to the issue.   In those days, I was the wealthiest man in the East. To be precise my hometown was Uz. You sure know your maps, don’t you? As we normally said in my days, and I quote, “It’s not a sin to ask about something that you don’t understand or appreciate.” So if you don’t know where my hometown was, I’m glad to give you the relevant information. It was located southeast of the Jordan River, near the lands of the Chaldeans and the Sabeans. Well, if you still don’t know where these two lands were, don’t bother yourself. I just want you to know that I lived on this earth before you guys came along. There’s a great murmuring amongst the people gathered. Why the murmuring? Guys don’t get me wrong, and I’m not being boastful. As your attorneys would say, “ That’s the fact of the Martha. Oh sorry, that’s a matter of fact .” Now let me quote to you what they said about me. No, I don’t think quoting would be necessary. I would rather paraphrase it. They wrote that I owned 7,000 sheep, 3,000 camels, 500 yoke of oxen, 500 female donkeys, and a very large number of servants.  As I’ve already told you earlier, they even said that I was the greatest man of all the people of the east.   Ladies and gentlemen of the media, they were right. But I want to make it clear today that I had a very great household, and not a large number of servants. I know how you people play with words these days. I hope I have made myself clear on this matter; household, not servants.   “Can you go on to the main point.” A fat looking gentleman, who seems to be having it tough with his bosses at the office, and not enthused with Joeb’s introductory statements, angrily shouts at him to continue with the press conference , to which Joeb obliges. Joeb continues after the rude interruption. By the way , what is the current price of a sheep in your animal markets ? Yes, you! The gentleman in white shirt. “ It’s $200.” He answers. Oh okay. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, my sheep were of a higher breed. But never mind. So do we all agree on this price for a sheep? As you all nod your heads in agreement, we’ll proceed by multiplying $200 by 7,000 sheep. “We get $1.4 Million.” Wow! Yes! I am a millionaire! Oh I was a millionaire. All things being equal! “Shall we please continue with the camels?” A pretty looking lady journalist at the back of the packed room shouts. Sure! Sure! My lady! I had 3,000 camels. Before coming to earth, I did some research from your internet websites, and found that the price for a camel in the year of our Lord 2014, started from about $55,000. I must remind you that my camels were thoroughly bred. And I want you to know that thoroughbreds can fetch as much as between 5 to $10 Million. But without needing to sound controversial, and as humble as I am, I will go with the $10 Million price. So $10 Million by 3,000 , gives us $ 30 Billion.   Again, there were 500 yoke of oxen which in today’s market value is around $2500 to $10,000 , depending on the number of the team of oxen. We usually had a two-oxen-team. So can we all agree to go by a $ 5,000 price tag for a two drawn oxen team? If yes, then we get $ 2.5 Million. Last but not the least, is the number of asses I possessed. Stop thinking negatively,people! Donkeys! I mean donkeys ! I had 500 of these cute animals. Multiplying 500 by $3,000 as I found out online as the current price for an ass, we get $1.5 Million.   Ladies and gentlemen of New York City and the millions watching around the world, after doing all the calculations of my wealth, even though I did not include the gold and silver I had in my possession those days, this is what we come up to, 30.0054 Billion dollars .   Well? well? well?! There it is, about $ 30 Billion. I was fair in my calculations as you can attest to, and so, the debate is settled. Joeb picks a phone call and relays the information to the many watching. I’m being told there is jubilations in heaven. The Almighty has cast the devil down here once again. Joeb cuts the call. And continues, Anyway, I’ll be going to heaven tomorrow. Anyone wants to join me on my flight?