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12 March 2014 2100 ?: "did you do something wrong" s: "no" ?: "you did do something wrong referring to the fact that after 10 days abstinence I fucked up and purchased $50. I actually ended up taking home $150 but I did not touch the $100 and am returning it when I go to pay, hoping that using less will cause less of a problem. SOmeone has been implying that 'good' ghosts did tonight, and just then someone implied that the hostile voices I hear are good ghosts who have been turned evil by J. There was also an implication that I don't hear vital information and so my decisions have terrible consequence3s that I am unaware of. Someone is also saying that I am going to be failed from uni, so I have to decide by the end of tomorrow whether to opt out. In all this familiar abuse and shit trreatment, no one ever considers my position. I am having terrible problems and trouble. I never get to come if I masturbate, and no one ever realises that I suffer gre4at loss and cost when I fail to maintain my abstinence. I have repeatedly asked during the week if there were any ghosts around other than J, and I am told there are not. But occasionally I am shown the image of a ghost on their hands and knees laughing, and J pretends to be other people (ghosts) when I ask after people. I can tell it is J because she always starts the sentance (phrase) with my name. I specifically asked if there was anyone left, and I was never answered, though on a couple of occasions J prete4nded to be other people. I also specifically asked (in a childish attempted humor way) if I was going to encounter any particular treatment as a result of an acty of will in the event of my giving up for at least the mandatory period of 6 months, and I was specifically told on a number of occasions that I would only experience the predictable amount of improvement and desireable outcomes that would normally stem from sustained abstinence. I am upset now because it has been repeatedly implied tonight that not only were there consequences for other people, but I have missed out on some (extra-ordinary) benefit because I relapsed and failed to maintain my abstinence. When I fail to maintain my abstinence, perhaps it is because of the shit I have had to deal with for more than two decades. (Though the last couple of years have been quite OK, other than being very tortured on each of the past six occasions I have relapsed. FUrthermore, while everyone is blaming me for the alleged assult, torture and death of others, no one else tried to assist these 'others' in any way, or tried to tell me what is going on. They simply hack into me with abuse and aggravated blame for my behaviourt impacting other people. Unable to capture the contempt that I am treated with, I shall record some quotes. No one is identifying themselves lately, so I will just use the usual "?" ?: you know whats happenening scott (how the fuck would I - and they know it before asking)..., you are being groomed (pedophile language) for a big problem (as is I haven't been tortured or bankrupted in the past for ecample). (talking slwoly so I can record it) YOu are going to realise (how) that. ... Does anyone like me? S: you said everyone is dead or evil, soi there is no one who could if they had the opportunity ?: Scott... (long pause). You know what Scott, I think that you are going to realise something. You are the sole person (they must not be people talking!) who realises seomthing. YOu are going to realise that J (heresay) is about to do something to you.What do you think that miight be. S: drop me out of uni. ?: drop you out of uni hey... I don't think so A couple of weeks ago, I was having converstions with Prof. Steven Hawking. These turned out to be lies and deceipt. ?: you know what scott stewart (surname used - contempt), I am going to tell you something (they know they are anonymous)... YOu are being groomed (pedo talk about the victim) for a catastrophy (like bankruptcy, the murder of god, turning Michelle evil, repeated torture recently tyo the exctent I had the vacuume hose leasured to gas myself). I am going to tell you something else...you are being groomed for a spe ial problem with your homework (condescending. But I will avoid it if I am told what the problem is going to be). I am going to drop you out of university (like 1994, 1995 + suicide attempt when Ward and Charles et al were vomiting in the bath they were going to put me in and so on...). ?: you know what scott (I obviously can't) I am going to drop you out of university because you took drugs (unrelated events. The drugs are the excuse for the action, not the cause of the problem). ?: you know what scott - you know what is going ofn woith ghosts don;t you s: no ?: did you do the wrong thing? s: no. ([thoughts] What I did let myslef down. It was a terrible failure, and an extrme disappointment, but I will learn from it and improve. I let myself down terribly, but I will recover. Tima has also been havi