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On May 18, 1970, the day my first son was born, I had serious medical complications that led to a serious post-partum hemorrhage. I received several blood transfusions. I had an out of body experience wherein I witnessed the birth of my son and then heard the doctor tell my husband that they could save the baby but I was going to die. From my vantage point at the top of the ceiling, I started screaming at them that I was not dead! But they couldn't hear me. I was terrified! Then I witnessed my own funeral and burial. It was terrifying because I wasn't dead. Then everything basically went black. It took three days before I could actually communicate and consciously respond to my surroundings. I was thus terrified of dying. I decided this awful experience was due to drugs. It took me years to get over it! Now, let's fast forward to July 1979. Ten days after delivering my fourth son, I began hemorrhaging again. My husband rushed me to the hospital where I received several more blood transfusions and surgery (D&C), to stop the bleeding. I woke up in the recovery room feeling fine. With encouragement, my husband went back to work with a promise that he would return in a few hours and take me home. I dosed off only to wake up as my father entered the room. He lived 90 miles away and his visit was a happy surprise. He bent over to kiss me and I felt a shudder run through my body; just nerves I thought. But then my teeth started to chatter and I began to have uncontrolled spasms. I was burning up! My father went running from the room to get help. Medical personnel came running into the room. A plastic sheet was thrown over my body and them someone started dumping buckets of ice on me. I felt every piece of ice as if it were a knife piercing my burning flesh. I was in great pain! Then my doctor appeared. I heard the nurse say I can't get a pulse, her temperature is over 106, and her organs are shutting down. Suddenly I could feel it, the hemorrhage again. I looked up at my doctor and said, ‘I'm bleeding again'. ‘No’, he said, 'you are having an allergic reaction to the blood transfusions you received.’ 'No,' I thought, 'He doesn't know. I am hemorrhaging! I am dying and my spirit is flowing out!' I was then suddenly, overwhelming sad. I was sad to be dying without saying, 'Goodbye. I love you.' to my husband and children or my father standing right outside the door. Then I died! The first awareness I had was the absence of pain; what a relief! Then I became aware of the blackness. It was as if I was in a place of tremendous energy; a great black void, but I was not fearful. The void held me in calm and peace. I knew I had died to the world but I had not lost consciousness for even a second. I was still me and still alive. Then I was with Him and enveloped in such a great light and love it defies description. There I rested in joy, bliss and grace. He spoke to me, telling me that it was not my time and that I needed to return to my body, to complete my life's mission. I did not respond to His remark, but instead asked Him how he had done that? He spoke to me without words, without a voice, and yet I had clearly heard and understood every unspoken word! He said to me that I was in a different ‘place’, one in which communication was purely exchanged through the language of love. Here everyone spoke heart to heart and soul to soul so that there could never be a misunderstanding. When I had been on Earth and used the spoken word there had often been great confusion as to what I thought I had said and what had been heard by my listener, they were often very different. He then reminded me again that it was not my time and that I needed to return to my body and resume my earth life. Then I reminded Him that He had promised me free agency, and I was choosing to exercise that agency to stay with Him. He laughed with great joy and mirth at my stubbornness, saying, ‘Yes, Laura, I would expect you to argue for your own case. The decision will of course be yours! But first let me show you some things.’ I was suddenly struck with wonderment and awe. He knew me. Everything about me was already known. I was part of his creation and in me was the spark of God; it could not be otherwise. He was all knowing, he was all love, and I was a part of it all. Before me, there suddenly appeared a pristine beautiful white glistening beach. I saw my three oldest sons sitting together on that beach. Individually, I saw many parts of their future lives. I saw their struggles and their hardships. I saw how my death would add to their hardships; sadness, loneliness, and anger seemed often to surround them. Then I saw the contrast I, as a Mother, would be in their lives. Their paths were lightened because of my love for them. But still I could not imagine leaving Him; being apart From His love. So I pointed out the beach to Him, each single grain of sand and how there were millions of them. Surely, one small grain of sand in all of creation would not be so missed. Besides, they had a father, a wonderful loving father, to care for them and teach them, care for them and love them. Also, I had realized at that point that time was different and did not really matter. After all, as a mortal how do you understand forever or eternity or no end? Life may appear long, hard and dreary but really it was a flash, equal to one grain of sand on that expansive beach. He brought my focus back to the beach explaining, 'Notice again the beach and every individual grain of sand. Notice how each grain touches every other grain. If every individual gain of sand chose to remove itself, there would be no beach. I got it on all levels instantly! No one could replace me. No one was in fact replaceable, ever. Everyone must contribute their own unique part of the beach. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I had only witnessed the lives of three of my sons. 'Where is my baby,' I asked? Why is he separated from his brothers? 'He is younger; he will be raised differently.' was the reply. That cannot be I said. His father would not let that happen. His father will not be with him long, I was given to understand; he will not have the influence on him as he does on your other sons. At this point, I witnessed a future event in the life of my husband, an accident in which he would lose his life. I did not bring this memory back with me, but somewhere in the corner of my mind, it remained. I would remember it vividly four years later as my husband lay dying. And there was still more for me to understand. The focus again fell on my infant son and hundreds if not thousands of my ancestors. I was aware of light surrounding many of them. They stood out. I felt tremendous love from them. 'Notice,' He said, 'your ancestors, all these beings, came together in your behalf, to make you uniquely you. I realized in Earth words He was referring to my DNA. 'You wanted to go to Earth to learn, to progress, and to contribute to creation. All these spirits came together to help you do that.' The focus then was back to my baby. 'In all of creation,' he said, 'your infant son chose you to be his mother, none other. Together,' he said, 'you made a covenant to fill these rolls in each other's Earth life. This covenant is and was a very sacred covenant not to be taken lightly.' Suddenly I could not wait to return to earth, to my sons, all 4 of them, to my family, to life on Earth. But, before doing so, I was brought to another level of awareness. It was as if when I was focused on Him that was my complete and only awareness. But, when changing focus, such as on the beach, l saw much more. My life flashed before me; a life review was in order. When it was over, my head was hung in shame for he had seen it too. I was not happy about many, many of my actions. Then, in awe, I turned to him asking, ‘how can you still love me so completely after witnessing my many sins?' 'You are a child of God', He said, 'and God Is Love. I see you purely as Love.' There Was no judgment only love coming from Him. In order for me to understand this however I needed to forgive myself and realize that I was a part of divine love. Through the Atonement, this was made possible. It's very difficult to explain. I only know I remember nothing that I saw in my life review; only the memory of having one remains and also of the love! My surroundings were then brought into focus as I became aware of a flower, a magnificent flower. It was rather like a perfect Gerber daisy glowing in brilliant orange hued colors, it was alive, and it loved me! In Amazement, I turned again to Him in wonderment and awe, exclaiming, 'This flower loves me. I can feel it.' 'Everything,' He said 'was made in love for you!' Then I saw and felt all. It was me and I was it; the firmament with colors alive and loving, stunning colors of light and water, each drop alive and loving; no word, no words! Now it really was time to return but first I had one more question. 'Why me,' I asked, 'what made me so special that I was allowed to have this happen to me?’ 'Nothing,' He said, 'love falls on everyone equally; everyone is special. This was just something you needed to accomplish your chosen life mission.' I was almost ready to return but first I needed to secure a promise that I could soon return to Him. Again, I felt his great mirth; his tremendous love for me and his complete knowing of me, because you see there really is no other option! We all return. He did then remind me that the only thing I would get to bring back with me was love; the love I gave away.' When I left my body and was told it was not my time and that I needed to return; from that instant until I agreed to ‘come back’ the entire experience happened at a different level of consciousness